Journal entry March 2023

Lately, I’ve found myself pondering a lot about my dating history. I think I’ve always shied away from dating because I felt it might go against my beliefs and morals, especially considering my negative opinions about men. People often told me that if I wanted to find “the one,” I’d have to compromise on my standards – that the one is someone who ticks all the boxes, or at least the most important ones.

Recently, I met someone who did tick those boxes. They fit the standards, were cool, and although there were some compromises to be made, I felt okay about them. We were talking, having fun, and then suddenly they stopped seeing me. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It’s been a while since I’ve dated, so it didn’t occur to me that maybe they just didn’t like me as much as I liked them, even though their words suggested otherwise.

This experience made me reconsider my decision to stay guarded and uphold such high standards. What it taught me was that I really crave connection and being surrounded by people. This person had a vibrant social circle and an active life, something I struggled with but desired. I wanted their friendships, their lively experiences, and I wanted to be loved. I longed for something romantic and beautiful to happen to me, something that would make me giggle and smile when I’m alone.

So, I’ve decided to make a change. In my culture, it’s common for women to live with their families until they marry, but I feel it’s time for me to spread my wings and go somewhere else. I’m still uncertain about it, but I feel like nothing will change unless I do something different. I’m hoping that this change will trigger a domino effect, leading to other positive transformations in my life.

I believe moving out will expose me to new people, ideas, and experiences, and will help me redefine what I want for my life. It’s an exciting prospect, and I can’t wait to share this journey of growth and expansion with you all once I solidify my plans. This was my journal entry, and I just wanted to share these thoughts. If you’ve read this far, thank you. I hope you find some comfort or connection in these words.